Episode 43 (and some 42)

“A New Beginning Always Starts At The End”


“For the love of fuck, Brian, *please* tell me you’re kidding.”

Staring out at the neon signs flashing in the dark, rainy night outside his Manhattan apartment, Brian is worried.  

“It was funny, Crystal.  You’ll see.  Why would I lie about something like that?”  

“It wasn’t funny, Brian.  I was there!  Sergeant K isn’t funny.  He sounds like he’s drinking shots and snorting cocaine during the interview.  And with all his military acronyms, he sounds like Kaiser Soze, making it up as he goes along.”

“Crystal, really, it was funny.  Booze and cocaine make for funny podcasts.  It sounds so silly, so simple and ridiculous, but that’s exactly why it works.”

“Whatever, Brian.  I’m out.  Edit me out of the episode.  Pull your skull-fucked gimp out of the footlocker and edit him into the episode instead.  And don’t let him mention Julian Assange…that shit is gonna get even crazier.”

“Please, Crystal…”

“No.  This is too much, especially after I did a fuck-lot of work for that Leprechaun shit.  I thought: ‘I’ll just set my trap and catch one’.  Where the fuck did that get me?  Connecticut?  Leprechaun trap, my ass.”

Crystal walks out of Brian’s apartment building, maybe for the last time.  As she walks outside to the street, she passes a young woman with a large tote bag heading inside.

Moments later, Brian hears a knock on his door.  He walks to the door, opens it a crack, and sees the young woman holding the large tote bag.  

“Hello, can I help you?” Brian asks.

“Hi!” the young woman says.  “My name is Phoebe.  I don’t understand what brought me here, but I’m looking for...” she pauses as she pulls a crumpled paper out of her pocket.  ”Brain…Frankey?  About the comedy gig?  Is this the place? I want to be part of a real show.”  She holds out the paper to Brian, who takes it and reads it:

WANTED: A funny, slightly abby-normal co-host who wants to be part of a conspiracy-comedy podcast.

“Actually, my name is ‘Brian Frange’.  Come in and have a seat, Phoebe.  I’d offer you some sushi, but it disappeared on me.”

Phoebe comes in and follows Brian back to his desk.  As they sit down, Brian can’t help but think that Phoebe is sitting where Crystal was sitting just moments ago.  Outside, the rain has stopped, and moonlight streams through the window, bathing Phoebe in its glow.  

“Phoebe, I have to ask: Why does your tote bag seem to be…squirming a bit?”

“Oh!” Phoebe says, setting the bag down.  “I couldn’t find a dog-sitter, so I brought my 2 dachshunds, Herrbert, and Herbbert, along with me.  I hope that’s OK.”

Brian looks at the dogs and smiles.  “Of course it’s OK!  I love dogs, and you’ve got a nice pair of puppies.  Would you let me play with them?  I’m really good at it.”

“Of course,” she says, “This is, really kind of, like, too Unbelievable for me.”

And the rest is Unbelievable history!


I think everyone should appreciate these 2 episodes. And then there's the Sgt. K follow-up in episode 48. --nnsm

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