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Overview Edit

Dolphin human hybrid child

Dolphins are a diverse, intelligent, and fucking rad extra-terrestrial Genus. Known as a long-time ally of The Humans, Dolphins have worked their way into a range of influential roles within earth's various societies. In recognition of this valued relationship, it is not unheard of for American small towns to have human teenagers participate in a Dolphin-centric SAT examination[1].

In her noble efforts to protect the environment, cure AIDS, cure malaria, cure toothaches, and make people spit out eggs like Birdo, Carol Croft introduced Dolphins to orgonite in 2001[2]. Dolphins are here just to heal us, they can leave at any time like in the Douglas Adams' books, and are 5th Dimensional-or-whatever.

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Etymology Edit

The name is originally from Greek δελφίς (delphís), "dolphin", which was related to the Greek δελφύς (delphus), "womb". The animal's name can therefore be interpreted as meaning "a 'fish' with a womb"[3], presumably because of their unique ability to mate with The Humans.

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History Edit

On April 1st, 2010, the ghost of JFK informed Barry Martin that Pleiadians are responsible for bringing Dolphins to Earth[4].

Since arriving on our planet 100,000 years ago in UFO's[5], Dolphin evolution has been astoundingly backward. When they reached Earth, Dolphins were bipedal marine humanoids; they are now serial rapists who incomprehensibly breathe air while living exclusively in water environments.

There is a Dolphins Rights section of The Constitution. It says nothing about Dolphins[1].

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Powers Edit

Brain Blast Edit

Until relatively recently the Dolphin Brain Blast had been speculated to exist, but direct evidence eluded researchers. In the year 2000 Matt Besser, Amy Poehler, Matt Walsh, and Ian Roberts captured footage of a Dolphin performing the Brain Blast during a town hall meeting. The footage was incorporated into an episode of thier serialized documentary program, The Upright Citizens Brigade[6].

Extreme Intelligence Edit

Despite possessing an inferior primate intellect, researcher Douglas Adams was able to discern that Dolphins are the penultimate species of intelligence on Earth - second only to Mice.

The following is a sample question from the Dolphin-centric SAT

Sea Anemone : Manatee :: Spiny Lobster : ____
A. Maldonorad Jellyfish
B. Colorotourus Sea Cucumber
C. Bermease Chunking Shark
D. Faldodranco Fish

Antennas and Trumps Edit

According to The Dolphin Collective, Dolphins have this to say about their antennas and trumps:

"Being a collective form in essence, we have many antennas and trumps we use in order to transfer the most optimal energy to all of you[7]"
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Images Edit

Dolphin evolution

Artist rendition of Dolphin evolution on their home world of Sirius B.

Dolphin man

Modern male Dolphin on Sirius B.

Dolphin kangaroo hybrid

Often considered vermin, Kangaphin are 'The Deros' of Sirius B.

Dolphin human hybrid female

Modern female Dolphin on Sirius B.

Dolphin without a nose

Victims of extreme devolution, some Dolphin species have developed mate selection pressures for resembling Phil Schneider's mangled dick.

Dolphin Human Hybrid

Famous Dolphin, Phoebe Tyers.

Dolphin nazi alien

Most Humans were pleased when the Nazi Aliens were eliminated from the Tournament of Aliens, but evidence has emerged suggesting Dolphins were instrumental in the rise and technological innovation of the Third Reich.

Dolphin commander

Unlike most other alien races who participated in World War II, Dolphins did not uniformly support a single side during the conflict.

Dolphin aliens jeans

In the mid-1990's, a small group of Dolphins visited earth to purchase Subway Jeans. They explicitly did not want to save their terrestrial brethren, stating "We left those retarded dolphins back on Earth ages ago".

Dolphin warrior

Dolphins can take down a 5-story building 30% faster than Delta Force, who can take down a 5-story building 30% faster than Navy SEALS. This is still 30% slower than Reptilians.

KH dolphin ufo

What does Kieth Harring know that we don't?!

Dolphin dan marino2

Famed Dolphin Dan Marino aiding in the egg-dropping ceremony of Butterfly/Duck.

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References Edit

  1. 1.0 1.1 [1]Upright Citizens Brigade - Competition in Town - 3/20/2000
  2. Don and Carol's (?) website dedicated to "Fighting for Global Liberty through Gifting Orgonite!" [2]
  3. [3]"Dolphins" Wikipedia page
  4. [4]
  5. "DOLPHINS ARE ALIENS"[5][6] - Weekly World News - Erik Van Datiken - <time>September 14, 2009</time>
  6. [7]Upright Citizens Brigade - Dolphin Aliens - 3/20/2000
  7. [8]

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